Note: This is a continuation of an earlier post. The first two paragraphs are from the earlier post.
These are the best days—August, September, and even into early October; autumn by the Celtic calendar—the good days before the earth turns its back on the sun and we descend into darkness, before the planet finally goes too far for the tilt of its axis and our part of the world falls into shadow, underexposed to the light.
It’s not paradise, but the way I feel this time of year is closer to how I should feel. The quality of my life is closest to the way it ought to be, to the way I imagine it first was for Adam and Eve. I cope better. At home, I’m nearly the picture of patience and kindness. Relaxed. Engaged. In the morning, I manage to pray and to exercise to strengthen my core and to fit in everything else I need to do before work. In the evening, I still have energy; I am ready for rest at bedtime without exhaustion or irritability. I bring more enthusiasm to my job. For the most part, I feel even and stable and in a good mood. Almost human.
***
The best days at the rink are the first days of school. Almost no one comes to lunchtime open skate. During the summer, no one’s in school, and I have to fight for space on the ice with figure skaters and kids dropped off by their moms or brought by their sitters to give them something different to do. There’s not much room to work out when there are so many other people around—especially people who don’t know how to share the ice or, worse, those who know how but won’t. Sometimes a whole day camp shows up and the rink is choked with kids, not a single one of them watching where they’re going, making it nearly impossible to skate. But the first day of school, the rink is always empty, or nearly so. And for the first couple of weeks, it’ll be light like this, until everyone’s into their school routines and the adult skaters and preschool kids make their reappearance, along with homeschooled figure skaters, who, after a short break from summer skating, return to gear up for the competition year. Even then, there are much fewer people on the ice, and usually I can fit in my workout routine, even skating with a stick and a puck on occasion. Those are good days. The very best day, though, is any day when no one else shows up and I have the whole rink to myself.
It’s not that I’m always against having other people around. It’s cute and flattering, though also a bit embarrassing, when little kids, impressed with how fast I can go, want to know if I’m a Detroit Red Wing. I don’t mind giving new skaters tips when they ask; experienced skaters helped me when I started out, and it feels good to turn around and do the same for others. And even when the rink is too busy and I have to abandon my workout plans, it can be a lot of fun to weave in and out of crowds of slower skaters, reading gaps in the shifting patterns of people around me. It’s almost wholly vanity, but knowing that people are watching me, judging my ability and sometimes even admiring my skills, has a positive effect on my workout, giving me extra jump in my legs, a little more edge to my concentration, spurring me to a better level of effort. But if there have to be others on the ice, I’d rather they be the right sort of people—people who pay attention and don’t get in the way. And I’d rather not have too many of them around.
Often I wish for days when I have the ice to myself. When I’m alone, I don’t have to share space or sacrifice my goals or watch out for others. I can do whatever I please, take up as much room as I want, practicing skills I rarely get to hone because there are too many people on the ice. But sometimes when the rink is empty and I feel heavy and tired and the day is cold and grey, I wouldn’t mind a little company, if not someone to pass the puck around with, at least someone else just out on the ice while I’m skating my laps. As Bishop Kallistos Ware writes, “Hell is not other people; hell is myself, cut off from others in self-centeredness.”* As often as not, though, I like it just fine.
***
When you frequent a place, eventually you get to know a little about the others who are regular there. At first you don’t know anyone’s name, so you think of them as Hockey Girl and Figure Skater Mom and Speed Skater Guy. Then after a while, you actually say hi and introduce yourselves.
Figure Skater Guy, it turns out, is Ron, and he’s an electrical engineer. Tall and spare and approaching middle age, he’s a modern-day Ichabod Crane in his grey V-neck sweater, bluish-grey plaid shirt, and slim jeans, topped off by an iPod, large-framed glasses, and little white gloves. People snicker at his stiff-legged style and expressive hand gestures, but you admire him for enjoying himself anyway, and after a couple of conversations with him, you think he’s an interesting person. You like him.
Figure Skater Mom is Ann, and she’s lost a lot of weight through skating. Her daughter, Caroline, who must be about ten and is homeschooled, is a figure skater too, though she seems more enthused about stuffed animals. She’s always bringing a new one to the rink and will talk your ear off if you let her. Ann has a teenager too, and sometimes you compare notes on parenting.
Hockey Guy turns out to be Joe, though for the longest time you call him Rob because somehow you managed to get it wrong and he is too polite to set you straight. He’s also an engineer and is trying to get back into shape after years away from the ice.
Middle-Aged Ice Dancing Couple are the Gattis, and they help you jumpstart your Jeep one day when the battery dies.
Athena, whom you’d known only as Figure Skating Woman, looks familiar, and for the longest time you don’t know why until you finally realize she’s a new member at your church. She’s recently moved to the area with her husband and teenaged kids.
Hockey Girl, whose name is Tina, has just joined the league you’re in; Speed Skater Guy, who is in high school, turns out to be a Brian too; and there is a host of Figure Skater Girls whose names you slowly learn and whose competitions you follow from afar, secretly rooting for them.
You marvel that Maddie, the little girl who started skating the same year you did, looks like a preteen now, and when she lands her first jump, you feel something like parental pride even though she’s not your child and for all these years has been too bashful ever to say hello to you.
When you congratulate Brittney on qualifying for midwest sectionals on her way to competing in her first senior national figure skating championships, she’s so excited that you can’t help feeling happy too.
And the frosty demeanor of the figure skating coach who gives lessons during open skate, despite its being against the rules, slowly thaws as she comes to realize that you know what you’re doing and are willing to share the ice. She doesn’t object when you skate with your stick, which is also breaking the rules, because she’s learned you won’t endanger her skaters with it, and she even tolerates your bringing a puck out once in a while. She’s not so forgiving with anyone else who brings hockey gear onto the ice. Along the way, you get comfortable enough with each other that you’re sharing pleasantries when you meet at the rink. It’s just chit-chat, but you’ve accepted one another, even though figure skaters and hockey players are rivals when it comes to space on the ice, and it’s a nice familiarity, a pleasant acquaintanceship.
It can be a real pleasure, too, sharing the ice with experienced skaters. When you skate often enough with others, you get to know their routines. You know what they’re about to do, and you almost seamlessly adjust to accomodate them. Whenever a Figure Skater Girl is carving an S-shaped pattern on one skate down the length of the ice, switching between the inside and outside edges of her blade, you know that’s a good time to work on your crossovers around the faceoff circles at one end of the ice. When she reaches your end, you know that she’ll stop her pattern and skirt along the boards to the other side of the rink, and so, timing it just right, you switch circles without stopping, opening up the other side for her so she can start her pattern again along the length of the ice to the other end. Neither of you is interrupted or forced to skip any part of your routine. And you find it very satisfying to get along in this way.
It’s not community that we regulars at the rink have. It’s more of a fraternity, an affinity group, a mutual generosity toward people brought together by a common interest, but its good to be a part of it, to have this place where you feel you fit in, where no matter how far you have yet to progress, you know you belong.
Notes
* Bishop Kallistos Ware, The Orthodox Way, rev. ed. (Crestwood, NY: St. Vladimir’s Seminary Press, 1995), 28.
These are the best days—August, September, and even into early October; autumn by the Celtic calendar—the good days before the earth turns its back on the sun and we descend into darkness, before the planet finally goes too far for the tilt of its axis and our part of the world falls into shadow, underexposed to the light.
It’s not paradise, but the way I feel this time of year is closer to how I should feel. The quality of my life is closest to the way it ought to be, to the way I imagine it first was for Adam and Eve. I cope better. At home, I’m nearly the picture of patience and kindness. Relaxed. Engaged. In the morning, I manage to pray and to exercise to strengthen my core and to fit in everything else I need to do before work. In the evening, I still have energy; I am ready for rest at bedtime without exhaustion or irritability. I bring more enthusiasm to my job. For the most part, I feel even and stable and in a good mood. Almost human.
***
The best days at the rink are the first days of school. Almost no one comes to lunchtime open skate. During the summer, no one’s in school, and I have to fight for space on the ice with figure skaters and kids dropped off by their moms or brought by their sitters to give them something different to do. There’s not much room to work out when there are so many other people around—especially people who don’t know how to share the ice or, worse, those who know how but won’t. Sometimes a whole day camp shows up and the rink is choked with kids, not a single one of them watching where they’re going, making it nearly impossible to skate. But the first day of school, the rink is always empty, or nearly so. And for the first couple of weeks, it’ll be light like this, until everyone’s into their school routines and the adult skaters and preschool kids make their reappearance, along with homeschooled figure skaters, who, after a short break from summer skating, return to gear up for the competition year. Even then, there are much fewer people on the ice, and usually I can fit in my workout routine, even skating with a stick and a puck on occasion. Those are good days. The very best day, though, is any day when no one else shows up and I have the whole rink to myself.
It’s not that I’m always against having other people around. It’s cute and flattering, though also a bit embarrassing, when little kids, impressed with how fast I can go, want to know if I’m a Detroit Red Wing. I don’t mind giving new skaters tips when they ask; experienced skaters helped me when I started out, and it feels good to turn around and do the same for others. And even when the rink is too busy and I have to abandon my workout plans, it can be a lot of fun to weave in and out of crowds of slower skaters, reading gaps in the shifting patterns of people around me. It’s almost wholly vanity, but knowing that people are watching me, judging my ability and sometimes even admiring my skills, has a positive effect on my workout, giving me extra jump in my legs, a little more edge to my concentration, spurring me to a better level of effort. But if there have to be others on the ice, I’d rather they be the right sort of people—people who pay attention and don’t get in the way. And I’d rather not have too many of them around.
Often I wish for days when I have the ice to myself. When I’m alone, I don’t have to share space or sacrifice my goals or watch out for others. I can do whatever I please, take up as much room as I want, practicing skills I rarely get to hone because there are too many people on the ice. But sometimes when the rink is empty and I feel heavy and tired and the day is cold and grey, I wouldn’t mind a little company, if not someone to pass the puck around with, at least someone else just out on the ice while I’m skating my laps. As Bishop Kallistos Ware writes, “Hell is not other people; hell is myself, cut off from others in self-centeredness.”* As often as not, though, I like it just fine.
***
When you frequent a place, eventually you get to know a little about the others who are regular there. At first you don’t know anyone’s name, so you think of them as Hockey Girl and Figure Skater Mom and Speed Skater Guy. Then after a while, you actually say hi and introduce yourselves.
Figure Skater Guy, it turns out, is Ron, and he’s an electrical engineer. Tall and spare and approaching middle age, he’s a modern-day Ichabod Crane in his grey V-neck sweater, bluish-grey plaid shirt, and slim jeans, topped off by an iPod, large-framed glasses, and little white gloves. People snicker at his stiff-legged style and expressive hand gestures, but you admire him for enjoying himself anyway, and after a couple of conversations with him, you think he’s an interesting person. You like him.
Figure Skater Mom is Ann, and she’s lost a lot of weight through skating. Her daughter, Caroline, who must be about ten and is homeschooled, is a figure skater too, though she seems more enthused about stuffed animals. She’s always bringing a new one to the rink and will talk your ear off if you let her. Ann has a teenager too, and sometimes you compare notes on parenting.
Hockey Guy turns out to be Joe, though for the longest time you call him Rob because somehow you managed to get it wrong and he is too polite to set you straight. He’s also an engineer and is trying to get back into shape after years away from the ice.
Middle-Aged Ice Dancing Couple are the Gattis, and they help you jumpstart your Jeep one day when the battery dies.
Athena, whom you’d known only as Figure Skating Woman, looks familiar, and for the longest time you don’t know why until you finally realize she’s a new member at your church. She’s recently moved to the area with her husband and teenaged kids.
Hockey Girl, whose name is Tina, has just joined the league you’re in; Speed Skater Guy, who is in high school, turns out to be a Brian too; and there is a host of Figure Skater Girls whose names you slowly learn and whose competitions you follow from afar, secretly rooting for them.
You marvel that Maddie, the little girl who started skating the same year you did, looks like a preteen now, and when she lands her first jump, you feel something like parental pride even though she’s not your child and for all these years has been too bashful ever to say hello to you.
When you congratulate Brittney on qualifying for midwest sectionals on her way to competing in her first senior national figure skating championships, she’s so excited that you can’t help feeling happy too.
And the frosty demeanor of the figure skating coach who gives lessons during open skate, despite its being against the rules, slowly thaws as she comes to realize that you know what you’re doing and are willing to share the ice. She doesn’t object when you skate with your stick, which is also breaking the rules, because she’s learned you won’t endanger her skaters with it, and she even tolerates your bringing a puck out once in a while. She’s not so forgiving with anyone else who brings hockey gear onto the ice. Along the way, you get comfortable enough with each other that you’re sharing pleasantries when you meet at the rink. It’s just chit-chat, but you’ve accepted one another, even though figure skaters and hockey players are rivals when it comes to space on the ice, and it’s a nice familiarity, a pleasant acquaintanceship.
It can be a real pleasure, too, sharing the ice with experienced skaters. When you skate often enough with others, you get to know their routines. You know what they’re about to do, and you almost seamlessly adjust to accomodate them. Whenever a Figure Skater Girl is carving an S-shaped pattern on one skate down the length of the ice, switching between the inside and outside edges of her blade, you know that’s a good time to work on your crossovers around the faceoff circles at one end of the ice. When she reaches your end, you know that she’ll stop her pattern and skirt along the boards to the other side of the rink, and so, timing it just right, you switch circles without stopping, opening up the other side for her so she can start her pattern again along the length of the ice to the other end. Neither of you is interrupted or forced to skip any part of your routine. And you find it very satisfying to get along in this way.
It’s not community that we regulars at the rink have. It’s more of a fraternity, an affinity group, a mutual generosity toward people brought together by a common interest, but its good to be a part of it, to have this place where you feel you fit in, where no matter how far you have yet to progress, you know you belong.
Notes
* Bishop Kallistos Ware, The Orthodox Way, rev. ed. (Crestwood, NY: St. Vladimir’s Seminary Press, 1995), 28.
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